Anger is by nature a painful state of mind. Whenever we are angry, our peace of mind immediately disappears and even our body becomes tense and uncomfortable. We are so restless that we find it nearly impossible to sleep, and whenever we are able to sleep it is fitful and unrefreshing. It is impossible to enjoy ourself when we are angry, and even the food we normally find delicious seems unappetizing. Anger transforms even a normally good-looking person into an ugly red-faced monster. We grow more and more unhappy, and, no matter how hard we try, we cannot control our emotions.
The truth is, in my clinical experience, I rarely see men doing the leaving. Men compartmentalize. They withdraw into work, hobbies, fantasy, or addiction. They cheat or carry on secret lives and secret affairs. They might create situations that make it impossible for a marriage or relationship to continue. Men also suffer silently, shouldering massive burdens. The men I work with often have a high tolerance for disconnection. They might leave a dissatisfying relationship in spirit (sometimes they never fully arrive), but they are unlikely to leave in body. Certainly the description above does not fit all men, but the general patterns I see in my couples counselling practice recur too often to ignore.
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